hi again. it's been a time since i've been on and a lifetime of experiences have happened.... i don't even know where to begin, other than by saying that we have been foster parents.
why? there were several situations that led to our decision, so i'll sum them up. 1- a neighbor girl came into our home several times, one time hiding in our basement. later, she "disappeared" and i found out that she was in foster care. i regretted that she had to go to a "stranger's" house.
2- i was called to be primary president, and while discussing the calling w/my then-bishop, the thought came into my mind "you should be a foster mom"....i dismissed it thinking that eric would never want to do it, but he surprised me by saying that he'd always wanted to do it.
3- i kind of made a promise to God that if He would allow us to get this house, i would open the doors to people in need. so yea, it kind of was meant to be.
we have had newborns to 17 yr olds. pooping pants at 6, stolen vehicle, death threats, broken walls, torn sheets, and countless hours of sleepless nights. laundry to fill the dining room table, and food for a half dozen kids and more of their friends. it has been the hardest work i've ever done, and i'm including chicken farm and car wash (for meg). it has also been some of the most rewarding. there have been private glances of appreciation, snuggles and hugs, confident conversations and most inspiring? children younger than 8 who have a strong belief in God, despite the godless parenting they'd experienced early on.
we have befriended the bio parents, the adoptive parents, the caseworker, GAL's, extended family, and soooo many people affected by "the system".
through it all i have learned a few important lessons.... FIRST, "the state" really DOES have the childrens' best interests at heart. they have to decide if they should give an abuser (of drugs, children, etc) "one more chance" to clean up and be good, or terminate their right to be parents. they have to determine if a relative who may or may not have been in the same situation as the offender is a safe alternative, or if it would be better to let the children go to strangers. sometimes they have to decide if it's best to keep the sibling groups together? or split them up bcs of learned behavior, sometimes of a sexual nature. ...and "they", like us, are human. they make mistakes. ...and sometimes it is heartbreaking for them as well.
SECOND, children really do prefer family. we had planned to adopt when we first started. we looked forward to finding "the right fit" for our family. don't get me wrong, we know that all kids come w/troubles and problems, but we felt like we have so much to offer! love, home, comforts, food, brothers, stability, education, etc.etc. it hasn't mattered. children want family. most would rather go back to the conditions they were living in----drugs, sexual promiscuity, absolute neglect, flaring tempers, etc. ----with their parents, than with us. they have an innate yearning for family, and an insatiable ability to forgive.
THIRD, no child is ever "taken" from a good parent. that doesn't mean they are bad people. it simply means they are unable ----at least at the present time--- to provide a safe environment for the child(ren). they can blame the state, their upbringing, the drugs, a boyfriend, the caseworker, even us, but the reality is: something isn't right. and if they refuse to accept responsibility, they will NOT get their child(ren) back. it's that simple.
FOURTH, drugs are the devil's most deceptive tool. i can't tell you how many times i've heard a parent say "it's not hurting anyone but me" or "it's my life"....well, it is actually DESTROYING them...from the inside out. and EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. who cares about them dies a little more every time they puff/shoot up/swallow/inhale/etc.etc.etc.
out of 45 children, 39 were removed bcs of drugs; 2 aged out of the system having served time in juvy and jail; 10 were adopted by loving "strangers"; 18 were adopted by extended family; 2 are hoping for adoption in proctor homes where the services for trauma are more available than where we live; 7 went back to parents. these are not just "our statistics", they are "our children". we have loved them as best as we could, each and every one. individually and collectively they hold a large place in our heart. our prayers for them is that they become not just survivors, but THRIVERS. this life is beautiful. they can overcome the past and move forward....because of our Savior, Jesus Christ. i am eternally grateful to Him and His willingness to help us overcome life's crazy circumstances.
...in the meantime, our boys have grown up w/them. they have had to make many sacrifices, but i think they have matured through it all. one is a car salesman in jersey. two are working in orem and planning to attend UVU in the fall. one is serving a full time mission in Ghana. two are still at home, helping with the revolving door that we call <3 home <3....
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