k. today i decided to start my gratitude journal/thankful diary/happe list, whatever you want to call it. and i'm going to do it until thanksgiving. hopefully i'll be a new and different person by then. :)
today i'm thankful for today. i'm thankful to have each new day. a chance to make it better than the last. yesterday was the epitome of alexander's horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. i was cranky w/my husband. i was cranky w/my kids. i was cranky w/my EX-wuzband. i was cranky w/myself. i was too ugly. too fat. too old. too everything that is bad. i was not a force worth reckoning with. and as i lay my head to sleep last night, i had the distinct thought to LET IT ALL GOOOOooo...that today would be a new day.
and it IS!! so i'm thankful that i can make a new day better. that i can leave the past as yesterdays and move forward w/a smile. i'm thankful that i've been given the gift of life and all of the blessings that are associated with it. i wouldn't trade one day of my life for a lifetime of anyone else's. i've been truly blessed. :)
there. :) that's my first day... :) just WAIT till tomorrow...bcs it's going to be even better. :)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
football
yesterday eric and i, and two of our boys, went to the byu vs. isu football game up in provo. i was thoroughly entranced by this culture w/in a culture, one i've never been privy to. we bought our tickets online at a really cheap discounted rate. when i met the seller "on the corner" at a 7-11 and made the "exchange" i witnessed my first "culture shock". the family was garbed in blue (requisite uniform for a zoobie fan), and had "byu" stickers and decals on their oversized white SUV. but the true experience didn't happen until 2 days later when we "arrived". k. for those of you who are familiar with this subculture, skip this post. this is for people like me....who never understood the whole football/alumni pride thing. we parked a block or two from the stadium, and joined a horde of other like-minded people. we're talking a mega crowd. all dressed in dark blue "byu" stamped hats, jackets, jerseys, shirts, etc. it was like a walking commercial. the crowds, the advertisements, the camaraderie, ...these things were all worth people watching for. but the biggest surprise to me were the little "fans". newborns were dressed and painted and completely garbed as if they were true blue byu seasoned fans. and in fact, they probably were. we met a family that eric knows at the local a&w where we caught a quick lunch. they had season tickets. i paid 12.50 for our discounted tickets. there were infants in their group. i'm sure that they had tickets as well. the seats were so cram-packed together that there's no way anything weighing more than 10 pounds could sit on a lap. and there were 100's of kids.
after we found our seat, i watched. and watched. i watched the football. i watched the players tackle and drop and run. i watched the cheerleaders kick and do little dances. i watched the band march w/precision during the halftime performance. i watched the teletron replay w/incredible inaccuracy the various plays. i watched the media circus w/their fundraising efforts in the endzone corner of the field. but mostly i watched the fans. i watched as they all in unison sang the alma mater song (i'm guessing) to the marching band at various points during the game. i watched as the little kids using expensive seats played w/their byu-labeled football hats, or stadium approved vending food. i watched as the mascot cosmo shot t-shirts into an adoring crowd who clamored for yet-another school advertised item. i watched as the crowds responded to different things like with words taht were foreign to me as a newbie. it took three times of them singing the theme song before i realized that the words were displayed on the tron thingy. and it took another 3 times before i coudl "sort-of" sing along with them. i felt like a silent observer. it was an experience only familiar w/the first day of byu for me. where i felt like an outsider and really had no clue what i was doing.
i realized that there are some things in life that are simply passed on by virtue of genes. that there were children in that crowd taht would grow to be season ticket holders in their own rite. that it got me to thinking abt other "rich man sports"....take rodeo-ing for example. it doesn't matter how much of a dream it might have been, i wasn't likely to grow up to be a rodeo queen. my family never owned horses. and by the time i was able to afford my own, i would have been so far in skill behind the seasoned riders. i've thought that abt nascar. that not every little boy who dreams of speeding down the track in a souped up sports car has the opportunity to do so. and i learned that abt golf. playing 18 holes w/3 people would have cost over 50$, and that was after providing our own clubs, and even our own CART! these are lifestyles that are unfamiliar to many. a real cultural experience.
then i had the thought that i really am grateful to be a member of our church. to be in a place where genes don't matter. not taht our genealogy isn't important. but where we are and will be truly judged on our own choices. there have been descendants of prophets who have lost their way and are unable to lead those around them. there have been converts to the church who have performed miracles in Christ's name. we are all able to rise and shout, when the time comes. :) what a blessing that is.
all of a sudden, the loneliness of not fitting in is moot. and being a newbie or a zoobie is all part of the balance. :)
after we found our seat, i watched. and watched. i watched the football. i watched the players tackle and drop and run. i watched the cheerleaders kick and do little dances. i watched the band march w/precision during the halftime performance. i watched the teletron replay w/incredible inaccuracy the various plays. i watched the media circus w/their fundraising efforts in the endzone corner of the field. but mostly i watched the fans. i watched as they all in unison sang the alma mater song (i'm guessing) to the marching band at various points during the game. i watched as the little kids using expensive seats played w/their byu-labeled football hats, or stadium approved vending food. i watched as the mascot cosmo shot t-shirts into an adoring crowd who clamored for yet-another school advertised item. i watched as the crowds responded to different things like with words taht were foreign to me as a newbie. it took three times of them singing the theme song before i realized that the words were displayed on the tron thingy. and it took another 3 times before i coudl "sort-of" sing along with them. i felt like a silent observer. it was an experience only familiar w/the first day of byu for me. where i felt like an outsider and really had no clue what i was doing.
i realized that there are some things in life that are simply passed on by virtue of genes. that there were children in that crowd taht would grow to be season ticket holders in their own rite. that it got me to thinking abt other "rich man sports"....take rodeo-ing for example. it doesn't matter how much of a dream it might have been, i wasn't likely to grow up to be a rodeo queen. my family never owned horses. and by the time i was able to afford my own, i would have been so far in skill behind the seasoned riders. i've thought that abt nascar. that not every little boy who dreams of speeding down the track in a souped up sports car has the opportunity to do so. and i learned that abt golf. playing 18 holes w/3 people would have cost over 50$, and that was after providing our own clubs, and even our own CART! these are lifestyles that are unfamiliar to many. a real cultural experience.
then i had the thought that i really am grateful to be a member of our church. to be in a place where genes don't matter. not taht our genealogy isn't important. but where we are and will be truly judged on our own choices. there have been descendants of prophets who have lost their way and are unable to lead those around them. there have been converts to the church who have performed miracles in Christ's name. we are all able to rise and shout, when the time comes. :) what a blessing that is.
all of a sudden, the loneliness of not fitting in is moot. and being a newbie or a zoobie is all part of the balance. :)
Sunday, October 2, 2011
custody
just a complaining blog.....sorry. i'm going to "dump" this, and be DONE.
this past wkend we reached an "agreement". it was supposed to be a compromise, but i'm not sure where the compromise was. due to the idiotic custody evaluator, we felt like our hands were tied. in a nutshell, she recommended that "ex" get the boys 3 wkends of the month. and 9 wks of the summer. what kind of an asenine recommendation is that?? i have been a stay-at-home, FULL time mom for 19+ years. "ex" has been a selfish part-time father. coming and going as often as the tide ebbs and flows. he traveled more in the past 5 yrs than i have traveled in my entire life, and all at the expense of his time w/the boys. but does that matter? does it matter that "ex" abused my oldest son?? does it matter that he has a history of spousal abuse?? that he was even observed demeaning and belittling me?? that the boys copy his errant behavior?? no. she never interviewed my biggest boy. she never looked up his psych eval. she never even spent enough quality time to observe either of us. she never addressed his absenteeism. and while noting that he is disrespectful to me, she still suggested that we should be able to 'co-parent'. ???? how do you co-parent when there is no respect???
but the story gets dirtier... his attorney is a snake. through and through. a stereotypical lawyerfiend. and as stereotypes are defined, it is by the negative commonalities. so it is w/his atty. he fits every possible negative generality that applied. but to be specific, i'll use two examples: 1- in the original hearing, when i tried to get them to agree to meet at a halfway point, he suggested that i not complain, since "the law" states that i should be driving 3/4. so i acquiesced to driving 2/3. when i later looked up the law, in fact it sd that "ex" should be responsible for all costs for weekend travels. i couldn't believe it!! 2- i am convinced, though i know i can't prove it, that they had a listening device in the room in which we met. as the mediator came in to discuss things with us, they would go out and discuss things. that left us alone to talk privately. however, more than coincidentally, the mediator would return with a "stipulation" that addressed our private conversation. with God as my witness, if there was monkey business going on, it WILL be revealed. if i thought there was a chance i could prove it in court, i would be all over it. at LEAST for the cost of the attorneys and mediators. i believe they were/are all crooked. too much cronyism to be believably virtuous.
there were ridiculous requests for penalizing me if i'm late. when we are in rush hour traffic on a friday night, it is nearly EXPECTED that we will be late.
enough said. i'm disappointed with the outcome. i think it will cause the boys to suffer more than anyone can now see. i will try to be the stable and consistent mom i've been, and hope that in spite of the circumstances, they will rise above.
and more importantly, i am learning to take the high road. sometimes that's all we can do....
this past wkend we reached an "agreement". it was supposed to be a compromise, but i'm not sure where the compromise was. due to the idiotic custody evaluator, we felt like our hands were tied. in a nutshell, she recommended that "ex" get the boys 3 wkends of the month. and 9 wks of the summer. what kind of an asenine recommendation is that?? i have been a stay-at-home, FULL time mom for 19+ years. "ex" has been a selfish part-time father. coming and going as often as the tide ebbs and flows. he traveled more in the past 5 yrs than i have traveled in my entire life, and all at the expense of his time w/the boys. but does that matter? does it matter that "ex" abused my oldest son?? does it matter that he has a history of spousal abuse?? that he was even observed demeaning and belittling me?? that the boys copy his errant behavior?? no. she never interviewed my biggest boy. she never looked up his psych eval. she never even spent enough quality time to observe either of us. she never addressed his absenteeism. and while noting that he is disrespectful to me, she still suggested that we should be able to 'co-parent'. ???? how do you co-parent when there is no respect???
but the story gets dirtier... his attorney is a snake. through and through. a stereotypical lawyerfiend. and as stereotypes are defined, it is by the negative commonalities. so it is w/his atty. he fits every possible negative generality that applied. but to be specific, i'll use two examples: 1- in the original hearing, when i tried to get them to agree to meet at a halfway point, he suggested that i not complain, since "the law" states that i should be driving 3/4. so i acquiesced to driving 2/3. when i later looked up the law, in fact it sd that "ex" should be responsible for all costs for weekend travels. i couldn't believe it!! 2- i am convinced, though i know i can't prove it, that they had a listening device in the room in which we met. as the mediator came in to discuss things with us, they would go out and discuss things. that left us alone to talk privately. however, more than coincidentally, the mediator would return with a "stipulation" that addressed our private conversation. with God as my witness, if there was monkey business going on, it WILL be revealed. if i thought there was a chance i could prove it in court, i would be all over it. at LEAST for the cost of the attorneys and mediators. i believe they were/are all crooked. too much cronyism to be believably virtuous.
there were ridiculous requests for penalizing me if i'm late. when we are in rush hour traffic on a friday night, it is nearly EXPECTED that we will be late.
enough said. i'm disappointed with the outcome. i think it will cause the boys to suffer more than anyone can now see. i will try to be the stable and consistent mom i've been, and hope that in spite of the circumstances, they will rise above.
and more importantly, i am learning to take the high road. sometimes that's all we can do....
my hilarious husband
oh well. some things, you just have to be there.... :)
bedtimes...
so the other night we had to go away for a little bit and would be trusting the "babysitter" to put the boys to bed. sammy asked if he could stay up past his bedtime and i sd no. he begged , "PLEEEEEASE???"...i sd, "no. 8:30". he sd, "8:31???" through his cheeky grin. how could i resist?! "fine, 8:31". his smile was priceless.
1/2 hr later i was trying to motivate him to do his chores right away. i sd, "sammy, if you finish your chores before anyone else, i'll let you stay up until 8:32". you could see the skid marks from the vacuum as he rounded the corner.
simple logic. :)
1/2 hr later i was trying to motivate him to do his chores right away. i sd, "sammy, if you finish your chores before anyone else, i'll let you stay up until 8:32". you could see the skid marks from the vacuum as he rounded the corner.
simple logic. :)
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