grossness

today i bought a book at DI for the boys. i think it was called "The Encyclopedia of Gross Things". tonight mom emailed me an article abt a singer in vegas who grew her fingernails 20 feet. or something nasty like that. got me thinking abt gross things. clearly there is an interest, right? okay... i remember when i was twelve... i had a crush on a boy named craig. i remember him teasing me after church bcs he saw me pick the sunburn peel off of my shoulder and eat it. i was so humiliated. but i don't think that's the worst thing i've done.  last night i had a piece of skin on my toe that was snagging on my blanket. i was too cold and just too dang lazy to get out of bed for the clippers. so i bit it off. well, i TRIED to bite it off. but in my older age, my teeth just don't line up well enough to do any kind of precision pedicure. i know, i know, it's disgusting. but my foot WAS clean.... ??

heck. i ought to get a little bit of credit for getting my toe in my mouth, don't you think?
:(

cell phones

okay, just need to complain for a minute... :( i had this old cell phone w/tmobile. but they were raping me w/monthly fees. so eric and i decided we can consolidate. we gave up my service adn phone in exchange for HIS with verizon. okay, so we get out his phone that he loves so much (yes, you might detect a little jealousy even...but before you think i'm strange, you should watch him caress it.....but i digress) and discovered that the battery is dead. so i went to verizon and was told it was over $30 for the stupid battery. and our contract isn't up until march, so no luck replacing the phone w/any kind of discount. arrgh. so the lady whispers over the counter, "i'd buy one online...they are much cheaper". so i did. i bought 3 actually. paid for 2. but when the first one came it was deader than dead. so they sent another one. wait! i forgot to add that i bought a generic one at ace hardware first. it worked, but sd "non-supported phone" and when i looked it up in the m anual it sd i could only use it for the life of the battery. it would not be able to charge. duh. like i want a phone for a day. :( anyway... so have tried 4 different batteries, and none have worked. oh, and i have to add that i've had to wait for delivery on them, so this has taken over a month. seriously. do you know what it's like to live w/out a cell phone for a month?!?!? OH MY HEAVENS. i am spoiled rotten. :(
sooooo..... i FINALLY decided i'd had enough of it. one guy told me it's not the batteries, it's the phone. so i got on KSL and through sleet and darkness drove 100 miles to buy a used one for $30. today i was THRILLED beyond measure to get it hooked up so i can be connected to civilization again. so i bring it in to verizon. they sd, "you have to have internet for this one...that's $30 more a month". ????? WHAT?????
i know, i know, you think they were just being funny. but NOOOooOOOOO. this was the truth. they were going to charge me $30 extra a month. i sd, "i don't use it for internet. i just want to text and talk. that's it".
"sorry" she sd.     ....by this point, i'm sure i had steam blowing out of my ears.  "OH MY HEAVENS. I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE".   i didn't even realize i sd it out loud. but worse? she took me seriously. "well, i guess if you want to go to jail for the rest of your life".   SERIOUSLY?? that comment alone almost pulled me over the counter in her direction. but no, i contained myself.   i ordered the $40 stupid verizon approved samsung battery. in two weeks i will know for certain if it's my phone or the stupid batteries. and yes, i have to be w/out a cell phone for AT LEAST that long.  tonight i'm thinking of taking that 30$ phone to the railroad tracks. do you think it might derail the train?? hmm... probably better not take that chance.

i did learn something though. i'm addicted to my cell phone. it's a third boob to me. and i feel naked w/out it. it fits comfortably in my bra. and it brings me pleasure. (since only friends and family can call me on it). :)

life, huH?

i'm soo. and i'm an addict. :(

mammo part deux

wow. what was all that fuss abt? it hardly even warrants a post!! a mammogram is really nothing to be afraid of. i thought that they have to squish it to within an inch. are you kidding me?i  have more fat than that!! i was fearful that it would squish my boobs until something popped or the skin split or i would be the one case where blood would ooze out of my nipples or the machine would malfunction and jsut keep compressing. haha...all my fears were in vain.
k. the rest of this is for the mammo virgins. :)
you undress just to the waist. you put on a gown. the machine is new age and kinda cool looking. you just stand on the tape and the nursey lady (who was awesome in my case,, but i'm sure there are nurse ratchets out there) basically puts your boob on the tray that is at the right height bcs it's completely adjustable. it's a clear tableish thing. and then she finagles all the boob parts that are trying to squirm away. she has the "paddle" (which had to be upgraded to the larger size...the only embarrassing part of the whole procedure) gently press down. then she does a little manual tighten, asks you to hold your breath and voile'! that was it!!
that was the easy part. then she does the same thing on the other side, and then you do a sideways one. basicaly you are in the same position, but the tray is kind of tilted so they can get it at an angle. and they do the same thing. i'm not going to lie, this part hurt. but what hurt was my ribs. bcs they want to get the whole boob on the tray, and you have to kind of lean into it. i wish they'd use that cool gel stuff? anyway, that was it....

oh, one more thing---it was deodorant that i wasn't supposed to use. :( eeek!! so i used a little wet  wipe to take it off. :) then when it was all over, they had a spray can of deo to refresh. :)

DONE!! piece of cake. probably in and out in less than 10 minutes. so if you haevn;t done it, GET OUT THERE AND GET IT DONE!!!!! :)

mammo

today is the day of my first mammogram. what was i thinking?? i was hoping to kind of do a little photojournalism today, but i've been told it's not appropriate to bring my camera. :( bah.

anyway,, i'm excited, and have every intention of telling all the details when i get back. we'll see if i'm as anxious to share AFTER the fact. one thing i can share now: when they scheduled the appt, the guy sd something abt... oh, what was it? something like, "don't wear any powder or perfume". something like htat. i remember telling him taht i'm going to be nervously sweating, so he might be sorry he sd that. but this morning as i was getting dressed, i coudlnt' remember what he sd not to wear?! was it deodorant?? perfume?? i do remember powder bcs i almots sd i'm too dry to use powder. but now i dont' know.... so as i prepare to be squashed, i have one more little concern:  which chemical was i not supposed to use? and why?

oh my heck!

i have no idea how to get these pictures where i REALLY want them.

but these top four are things i would have "rather" broken, if i were going to do it on purpose. hardly worth the accident if i broke something that eric actually CARES abt. and no, i'm not wanting anything to happen to any of these. i'm just trying to prove a point.  :)

i just broke eric's byu neon light!!!! oh my heck!!! it's blue and it has the letters "BYU"..... he has had it in the box in the garage, and when it was christmas time, we got out all of the decorations. he sd he was bringing that in, and i told him it's not christmas!! i was just teasing him. i didn't care!! but he's been telling everyone that i didn't want it in the house bcs it's not christmassy. :(  and i've played along w/it. now it's broken. i went in the boys room to lift the blinds. i guess the cord was wrapped in the blinds, bcs it fell and cracked into a million pieces!! i can't believe it!!! i feel just awful. i really didn't care if he had it in the house, but i don't know if he could believe me. afterall, i told him i didn't like it. but really, if i were going to get rid of something, i can think of OTHER things in the house i like less. oh i feel awful. :( and it gets so much worse. i just wrote him an apology email at work (i'm too scared to call), and i promised i would replace it. i got online and wouldn'tcha know? i can't find anything like it!!!!! it's a collector's light???! really?? a neon football college insignia??? REALLY??? how valuable IS this thing??? oh, what have i done.... :(

money

this morning i paid our bills. we have had to borrow money to pay some of our more significant bills, like lawyers and medical. it's been a strain. however, things are soooooo much better than when i was single and trying to stretch a nickel to cover milk. i remember scavenging through couch cushions for a little grocery money. i'm not kidding either. so i was telling my sister this morning abt money and kids these days and it got me to thinking...

that's me on the left w/2 of my best friends growing up. eventually we all worked at that car wash together.  w/all the perves. :(  (meg and aleta roncallo)

they have no idea what life is going to be like when they grow up. they have their own tvs....flat screens. they have ipods and computers and video game systems and transportation. they have food and clothes and all the comforts of life. and they haven't had to work for them. they consider making their bed and cleaning up their own rooms to be chores and work. no concept of real life. i remember working as a kid. i sold lightbulbs door to door w/the boys scouts when i was 12. i had a paper route also. i babysat outside the home for 50 cents an hour. and i remember when i got my first raise to 75 cents an hour. that was for watching the gaisfords 5 kids. and i didn't watch tv while the kids played in the other room. i was hands on w/all of my charges. changing diapers, reading to them, playing games. and my mom taught me to wash the dishes and leave the house cleaner than i found it. so i did. picked up toys, cleaned up food and dishes. when i got my first summer job at 15 it was working at a car wash. the full service kinds. where the car is put on a conveyor belt. i had to jump in the back door of the car as soon as it got through the power dryer and spray and wipe the back window before it got off the belt. and there were hundreds in an hour. i made 3.95/hr and thought i was rich.  so i have told my boys abt my experiences with money and working. they throw that story into the pile of stories of people w/one tv (black and white!) and horse and buggies. you know, the ones where you walk to school through three feet of snow, up hill both ways. my boys look at me w/the "pffft" glare, and under their breaths call me a dinosaur. 

but they'll learn. the prophecies warn us of times to come. they will learn. hopefully before it's too late to do something abt it. work=stability. no two ways abt it.  and i am GRATEFUL. both to have been taught that, and for that principle. bcs w/out hard work, there can be no confidence. but after all we can do, we can have peace that we have done that. :)

friends...

i lied. i told you that that was going to be my last post, but eric's watching sports, and my mind is going a mile a minute. i either interrupt him while he's in his male-zone, or click away on the laptop. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to determine the wiser choice.... :)

i was just thinking of my boys' friends. two of my boys had friends over tonight. there were more boys in the house than girls, and i even had a zumba friend over for dinner. not that the testosterone majority is rare, but it is always more obvious when it's multiplied exponentially. anyway, i was just thinking of how sweet these boys are. they have their trials in life at younger ages, and they are trying to find their lot in this life. my heart goes out to them. and as i was thinking of them, of course my mind turned to other sons' friends who have influenced me and touched my heart. each of my boys have had friends who have come to our home under varying circumstances, and i have felt towards them as i do my own. even my nephews. i love these boys. i ache for these boys. i hope for these boys. i love these boys. so to all of jason's, andrew's, brandon's, alex's, sammy's and taylor's friends who ever have stepped foot in our home (here OR logan OR alaska OR wherever...), thank you. thank you for befriending my boys. thank you for being a part of my family. thank you for feeling comfortable enough in our home to help yourself to the food in the fridge.....and reading scriptures with our family....and leaving your dirty socks under the couch....and, wait! did i say that? okay, maybe not the last one. but really, thank you. i appreciate you. i want you to grow up to be the kind of men that you are capable of being. be good fathers. be good husbands. be good workers. be good men. :)

ps: and know this: our door is always open to our friends who pass this way. we are always ready to welcome a friend when he passes along our way.... :)

final post for the night

i guess i have diarrhea of the mouth tonight. i can't stop thinking/talking/writing. so bear w/me for my final post of the night. i was looking at my digital photos for pictures of me w/out makeup. besides the lesson i learned abt my vanity, i also noticed a common thread in all of my pictures. i'm going to see if you can guess....

what????

 can you guess??

can you??? do you know???

 yes.....yes, yes...i LOOOOooOooOVE to kiss him!!!!!! :) !!!!!

it's not just because he's so stinkin' cute. 

or that he smells sooooooooooooooo good....

it's not even that he tastes good....or that his skin is so dang soft...

or that his whiskers are so manly....

i think the biggest reason of all??

he LETS me.... :)

why blog?

i just read that my sister meg is going to start a blog. i'm so excited. :) but why? what is it abt blogging that is so entertaining? i have wondered that for years as i've seen blogging replace personal pri-pri books. and i think i've figured it out. we are insatiably attracted to these common human experiences that connect us. we can relate to each others' imperfections and we become comfortable as we hear one another's stories.
i was asking eric why there are so many inactive members in our ward boundaries. i really do believe it's because everyone has their "story". and sometimes they never get a chance to get that out. so we have to uncover them. who offended them? why? then apologize and let them put it behind them. sometimes just being acknowledged for how one feels is all we need. in the guru world of psychiatry, they call that "validation". in real life, we call it listening.  ...or in the case of blogging? we call it reading.

so meg? get your blog up and running. i'm interested. i'm "listening". :) and while i'll be happily entertained, the best part will be the connection.

the only picture i could find w/out makeup. i guess i'm vainer than i thought. :(

and tomorrow? i think i'm going to give everyone at church something to relate to. i'm going to go to church w/out makeup. :) why not? time to let my hair down and be real. right?

online recipes

this year i have discovered a couple of recipe sites and i've had just a blast trying to recreate them. some have been divinely successful (to die for pork chops, pumpkin cheesecake, ...) and others have been nothing short of disastrous. so what makes the difference?! i am no kitchen scientist. to be honest, i wouldn't know what spices go w/ginger or when to use cumin. abt the only food combination i'm confident of, is meat and salt and sugar (in all it's glorious forms) and milk. think: cookies and milk, sugar cereal and milk, cake and frosting and milk. :) and when you think abt that milk, make sure it's chilled WHOLE milk. anything less is disappointing. but i digress again...
last wk i made "texas roadhouse rolls". i haven't ever eaten at texas roadhouse, but i HAVE heard abt their rolls. and the picture alone made me gain 3 pounds. so it was w/anxious anticipation that i whipped up the recipe EXACTLY as it appeared on the magic website screen. it rose perfectly. i remembered every detail. i didn't even lose count when i was counting out the flour cups w/my 1/3 cupper bcs i couldn't find the stinkin' whole cupper cup. and when i baked them in the oven, the entire house was engulfed in the most amazing homemade bread smell i've ever encountered from my own doing.  so why was it that when i popped them out of the oven....lightly golden and covered in butter, they were crispier than a saltine?! why? o why do i disappoint myself so?? i was salivating enough to fill a swimming pool, and one crunch into the roll, i was ready to swear off eating for a month.
but there WAS a silver lining....on that same recipe page, there was a  recipe for whipped cinnamon butter that alex threw together. we were licking the bowl. i don't know if it's me? the oven? or the recipe, but next time i'll use the spread for the appetizer, and just serve saltines to dip...

shivers and goosebumps

i alluded to my biggest prize in a previous blog, but i feel the need to expound a little on that subject. one of my favvvvorite subjects: ERIC...
:) he IS my knight-in-shining armor. and i have to tell you why....
forget the fact that he is the cutest man on earth, and he is built like a miniature Discobolus of Myron (you know, the greek discus thrower...and yes, i DID have to google it for the name. :) ) . again, forget those two facts.
he is just so much fun. he is always saying funny things to make me laugh. he has a giggle that is highly contagious and a smile that takes my breath away. when he calls on the phone and i hear his voice, my heart skips a beat. and when he touches me?? wow...i get shivers and goosebumps. seriously. when we were at the christmas party last night, and he gently put his hand on the back of my  neck, i swear my neck hairs grew an inch (i know, i know, gross...).

(i'm not intentionally filling this blog w/photos of taylor, but he hasn't reached that "don't take pictures of me" stage yet. )

but i just told you all the physical things abt him....but it gets better. we have had 3 official fights. 3 times where i cried and he eventually got cranky with me. in a year. and here's the best part: he doesn't go to sleep until we have discussed it (ad nauseum for him i'm sure) and resolved things. and i don't know abt you, but i'm the kind of person that does and says a lot of stupid things. the kinds of things that embarrass me later. i'm not talking abt mean things. i'm talking abt baring-my-soul-and-exposing-all-of-my-insecurities things. and after i've vomited those vulnerable thoughts and feelings, i just can't seem to shove them back in my mouth and swallow them in time for him to not notice. and right at that awkward time when i'm wondering if i've reached the point of no recovery, he comforts me. HE COMFORTS ME!!! i just can't believe it. i am constantly in awe of how he is. with me. with the cashiers at the grocery store. with our smelly dogs. and most importantly, with our boys. he is such a fun and awesome father to all of our boys. (really to all kids. period.) he prays for them and thanks Heavenly Father for blessing him with these boys. he teaches them and he loves them.

how did i ever get so lucky? i have no idea. but know this: i am eternally grateful. :) and i'm more than lucky. i'm blessed. :)

prizes

i mentioned that i  have never won anything, but as soon as i posted, i remembered that that is a lie. last christmas, (or was it the one before?) i seemed to have luck on my side the entire season. i won a gift card from some anonymous friend on a "healing" website. (i gave that away to a sister who had a harder year than me). i won a willow tree manger scene from deseret books. (i gave that away to a neighbor who was alone for the holidays). i can't remember, but there was one more thing i won.  it was awesome. i wanted so badly to do things for other people, and just didn't have the means. so this allowed me to do something small for someone else. it was awesome. it helped make my Christmas. :)  i'd tell you my FAVORITE personal miracle Christmas story, but i can never let anyone know. that secret will die with me....

lucky me...

i have never been a winner. i've never won the grand prize on publisher's clearinghouse...i've never won the big cabin-in-the-woods giveaway....i've never won the game of survivor. i've never even won a blue ribbon. heck, i don't think i've ever even won a game of risk. never won a thing... never, that is, until last night....

i'm sooooo excited!!! we went to eric's company party (which by the way, was a BLAST!!) and eric won a HUGE prize!!!!! we won two goblets (real fancy glass kinds w/kinky stems) and a bottle of non-alcoholic mixed berry bubbly and...get this...a one night stay in "the LODGE" room at the hines mansion in provo!!!!!!!  i'm soooo excited!!!!!

but it wasn't w/out a hitch... see, we were wandering around visiting w/people, and at the time of the drawing we happened to be sitting near some neighbor/friends/co-worker/carpooler-w/eric...and RIGHT BEFORE they called eric's name for the big prize, they called rusty's name for a car battery charger. eric has wanted that exact charger, and when they called rusty's name eric let out a "WHAT? THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY NAME!" .....then they climaxed w/our "big prize" and eric could have dropped a tear. hahaha...he was trying to finagle w/the other couples at the table a trade. and i was busily running behind him whispering in the ears of the couples---'please, pleeease, noooooo!!! i have a charger in the closet for christmas!!! pleeeease!!!'.....simultaneously the wives were begging their husbands, "please, pleeeease, a romantic getaway!!!! pleeease!!!'..... i thought i even heard one of them mention something abt leaving the swimming suit behind this time... (yes, there IS a hot tub in the bedroom) wink*wink*

so, w/sweat dripping from my forehead, i held my ground. and we walked out of there w/our prize. i'm feeling so lucky, if i were a gambling fool, i'd be heading to reno. :) 

....ps: i just have to add that if you look at my prize picture, you will notice the best prize in the background. :) isn't he cute??!? :) 

family photos

thanksgiving 2011. after gorging on yummy food, i called out to the boys: EVERYONE GET READY FOR FAMILY PHOTOS!!! COME ON OUT IN YOUR BEST OUTFITS...

and this was taylor:

yes. he IS chewing on the side. and yes, those ARE tidy whiteys. ...or tidy-off-whiteys.... 

thanksgiving vacation...

so tonight starts eric's thanksgiving vacation. he took a whole extra week off. i was really excited and mentioned it to angela, his sister, and she sd, "oh, here comes the REAL test"....and it got me to thinking....
today i wasn't feeling well. i have a sore throatish/neck-or-something...i'm a little achey. i'm tired. i feel like going to bed. it hurts when i swallow, but more the muscles of my neck than a gritty throat. eric told me today to take a nap, but he must not know me that well to think i could do that when there's stuff to be done. so in spite of my cranky body, i managed to finish and put away 4 loads of laundry, cleaned out all of the old food in the fridge, washed 3 loads of dishes (after cleaning out the tupperware in the fridge), oiled the table, unclogged a couple of toilets, supervised the boys with chores, retrieved daydra who had escaped twice, cleaned off the counters, paid bills, helped the boys paint christmas ornaments, wrote a letter to a friend, made meatloaf, rice and gravy, AND made cinnamon rolls and frosted them. so eric comes home from work, and opens the fridge and sd, "you didn't clean the shelves off?"  WHAT??? IS HE KIDDING ME??  to be truthful, i think the test has already begun.

to be fair, i'm sure he wasn't complaining. i don't think he had any idea how crushed i felt to hear him say it---and don't you tell him!!----but that was like a minor slug to the nuts. if i had any.

excuse my french. my english fell asleep about 3 hours ago. :(

garbage....

am i the only mom who tries to sneak "stuff" out only to be BUSTED by my kids?! do they really expect us to keep every little handprint and kindergarten drawing? i know, i know...the guilt as i shove glued on googly-eyed construction paper as far down into the kitchen garbage as i can....is nearly overwhelming. but at SOME point, we have to let it go, right??  i thought i was wise, the way i strategically buried it beneath the gunkystinky old chicken parts, but somehow these childhood masterpieces end up goobercovered back on my kitchen counter. and standing beside it is a doe-eyed child w/the "how could you?" look on his face.  REALLY? i don't remember going through the garbage when i was their age.... how do they find these things???

kids these days. :(  it reminds me of the photographers' strategy that they use to try to get us to pay through the nose for their packets. they take pics at school of our kids, no matter what they look like (food on face, hair sticking up, dirty t-shirt...oh! did i say that? do my kids ever look that way?!) and then they show the packets. they tell us that if we don't buy them, they will go to the shredder. bah. i only fell for that on the newborn shots. you want to keep a school picture of my boys? merry Christmas. enjoy. :)
...and if you want? i'll even throw in a kindergarten artwork.  :)

i have to add this little postscript:  after writing this post, i came up w/the idea of letting the boys throw their own "stuff" away. i told them i'll take pictures of them WITH their artwork, and they can look at them anytime they want. on the computer. they readily agreed when they saw that their little turkeys were being torn off the wall by the dogs. :) happe boys? happe mom. :)

uncle jr

today i found out that my uncle jr died. it is so bittersweet. while i didn't know him that well, my memories of him are heroic. he always seemed to have a smile on his face, despite all his suffering. for DECADES he suffered from the effects of severe MS. he was wheelchair bound for at least the last 20 yrs of his life. but it is my understanding that his life was a sacrifice for his family. and that is the essence of true love. :) may he skip a 1000 ropes in heaven today. :)

christmas

i know it's not me....everyone i talk to seems to be struggling financially. so why do we feel guilty bcs we have to cut back on Christmas?? whatever happened to the Christmases when i grew up and we never got what was on our list bcs that was a "wish" list anyway? not a shopping list!! my childhood Christmases were so full of  JOY, serious joy, not the kind of joy that cleans grease off of hands but the kind that makes the angels SING! and i doubt my parents ever spent more than their normal budget. we just had FUN. we baked and sang (played noels all december!) and made and snuck and hid and did all kinds of fun thigns. and the morning of? we were all surprised and tickled and delighted by what we got. it was magical. we played games and stayed in our pajamas until late. sometimes we would carol on that day, usually the day before. we snarfed on homemade goodies and just had fun being together.
nowadays kids aren't satisfied....if they have a cell phone, it doesn't have all the newest features. if they have an ipod, it's not the current model. if they have a computer, it's not fast enough. an ipad? not enough memory. video game systems have replaced board/table top games and virtual icons have replaced real people. and kids now equate their parents' love with the amount that is spent on the gift.
which brings up another curious question, since when do kids need to know what their gifts even cost??

this year is going to be different. we are simplifying things. Christmas will be about memories, love and fun.  oh, and giving. :)   we're all poor. no one to compete with anymore.  let's remember the Reason for the Season.....

just thinking....

i've been thinking a lot about accountability and i have a few questions.... if we do the best we can, meaning that our intentions are pure and we THINK that we're making the best choices, but it turns out to not be the best choice, are we accountable? are we to blame? for example, i really thought that having a father in my son's life would be the best thing. i didn't know how disastrous it would be to have a BAD father, or even how bad it was until i got out of it. i  made the choice to marry, so it was MY decision. i even made the choice to stay.  bcs of some of the things that happened, this particular son learned a lot abt hypocrisy first-hand. and it changed him. in a bad way. he lost his innocence in a way. sooooo.... who's accountable? obviously the husband who was the meanie, but what abt me? i chose the meanie...

that's all. it was just a thought. maybe later/tomorrow/next wk i'll have more entertaining thoughts, but for now, that's it....

heroes

i just posted that blog on the doggy present when the thought occurred to me.... i could not have picked up that nasty carcass and disposed of it by myself. truth be told, i was walking around screaming "oh my heck!!" in sheer pandemonium. i paced up and down the hallway and couldn't even LOOK in the direction of that dead thing. but THANK HEAVENS for LITTLE BOYS. :) taylor is my hero... he  bagged that thing and dumped it in the garbage. but then i got to thinkin'....how many times my boys rescued me from moths, mice, spiders, even the goat(i'll save that one for another time).... if i'd had daughters, eric would have come home today to me AND tayloretta screaming in the hallway and a bird funeral still on the living room floor.

yes, Thank Heavens for little boys. :)

dog surprises

i was just relaxing on the couch, contemplating the feelings i had at the veterans' day assembly and feeling really humble. i heard the "pitter-patter" of little feet and looked up to see our sweet daydra. she's our crazynaughtybutlovable mini-dachsund/pug mix. she was chewing on something. taylor sd, "mom! daydra has something in her mouth! i think it's a chicken head" ....WHAT? we don't have any chickens! so i went back to my "zoning mood". "MOM! i'm SERIOUS! she has something she's not supposed to have" ....so i told daydra "SPIT IT OUT NOW!" and laying at her feet was a flattened baby bird's head, beak and all. OH MY HECK. i don't think i've had a  more disgusting thing in this house in all of my life. :(

holy smokes. as i'm sitting here typing to you, daydra comes trotting back in from outside....taylor sd, "MOM HERE's THE REST OF THE BIRD!!" OH MY HEAVENSTOBETSY!!! THERE IT WAS. ON MY LIVING ROOM CARPET. i stand corrected. since the body was bigger, and headless to boot, THAT was the most disgusting thing that ever entered this house. :(  
nothing like a superlative to bring on a new challenge. :(

hmmm..maybe if i say "i'm the richest i've ever been in my whole life!".... ??? :)

veteran's day

wow. i just came back from a very stirring veteran's day assembly at the palladium. it was phenomenal. the elementary schools were dressed mostly in red, some white, and some blue. the songs that they sung made me cry. esp the last one. the high school band played the theme songs from each branch of the military. they were well represented. high school students in their sunday clothes escorted the veterans to their seats at the start of the program. a high schooler played taps on his trumpet. i have never felt the power of that emotion in this type of memorial and the tears just spilled over. i'm so grateful to  live in this country. and for the men and women who have, do, and will fight to protect our freedoms. :) GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

30 days? i spoke too soon...

haha...so much for being organized and writing 30 thankful things... that would be one each day...and it's been 16 days since i wrote that...if i remember correctly. so i need to let you know 16 things i'm thankful for....

1- that i was born to honest, hard-working, service oriented non-hypocritical parents. if there's one thing that i've noticed as i've gotten older , it's that my parents live what they teach. they are in no way hypocritical. and in this world, that's a rare commodity.

2- that i'm still married. not that i'm setting any records, but as far as i know, he's still happy with me. :) and THAT might be a record

3- that we have healthy bodies. i have friends and family members who have struggled w/health problems their entire lives. i have been blessed to not have had to deal w/any chronic or life-altering issues. neither have any members of my immediate family. or rather, those i've been caretaker of. and that's a huge blessing...

4- this goes hand in hand w/the healthy bodies. but it's really something i'm grateful for.  i love the feeling of falling asleep when i'm tired. i love the feeling of peeing when i have to go really bad. what an awesome relief. i love the feeling of hugging and kissing eric. my goodness he just feels good. i love the feeling of sweating when i'm exercising. these and so many things, i just love. :) hot showers, full belly, good diarrhea run after hogging like a pig.

and again, i'll have to finish this later...

30 days of thanks

k. today i decided to start my gratitude journal/thankful diary/happe list, whatever you want to call it. and i'm going to do it until thanksgiving. hopefully i'll be a new and different person by then. :)

today i'm thankful for today. i'm thankful to have each new day. a chance to make it better than the last. yesterday was the epitome of alexander's horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. i was cranky w/my husband. i was cranky w/my kids. i was cranky w/my EX-wuzband. i was cranky w/myself. i was too ugly. too fat. too old. too everything that is bad. i was not a force worth reckoning with. and as i lay my head to sleep last night, i had the distinct thought to LET IT ALL GOOOOooo...that today would be a new day.

and it IS!! so i'm thankful that i can make a new day better. that i can leave the past as yesterdays and move forward w/a smile. i'm thankful that i've been given the gift of life and all of the blessings that are associated with it. i wouldn't trade one day of my life for a lifetime of anyone else's. i've been truly blessed. :)

there. :) that's my first day... :) just WAIT till tomorrow...bcs it's going to be even better. :)

football

yesterday eric and i, and two of our boys, went to the byu vs. isu football game up in provo. i was thoroughly entranced by this culture w/in a culture, one i've never been privy to. we bought our tickets online at a really cheap discounted rate. when i met the seller "on the corner" at a 7-11 and made the "exchange" i witnessed my first "culture shock". the family was garbed in blue (requisite uniform for a zoobie fan), and had "byu" stickers and decals on their oversized white SUV. but the true experience didn't happen until 2 days later when we "arrived". k. for those of you who are familiar with this subculture, skip this post. this is for people like me....who never understood the whole football/alumni pride thing. we parked a block or two from the stadium, and joined a horde of other like-minded people. we're talking a mega crowd. all dressed in dark blue "byu" stamped hats, jackets, jerseys, shirts, etc. it was like a walking commercial. the crowds, the advertisements, the camaraderie, ...these things were all worth people watching for. but the biggest surprise to me were the little "fans". newborns were dressed and painted and completely garbed as if they were true blue byu seasoned fans. and in fact, they probably were. we met a family that eric knows at the local a&w where we caught a quick lunch. they had season tickets. i paid 12.50 for our discounted tickets. there were infants in their group. i'm sure that they had tickets as well. the seats were so cram-packed together that there's no way anything weighing more than 10 pounds could sit on a lap. and there were 100's of kids.
after we found our seat, i watched. and watched. i watched the football. i watched the players tackle and drop and run. i watched the cheerleaders kick and do little dances. i watched the band march w/precision during the halftime performance. i watched the teletron replay w/incredible inaccuracy the various plays. i watched the media circus w/their fundraising efforts in the endzone corner of the field. but mostly i watched the fans. i watched as they all in unison sang the alma mater song (i'm guessing) to the  marching band at various points during the game. i watched as the little kids using expensive seats played w/their byu-labeled football hats, or stadium approved vending food. i watched as the mascot cosmo shot t-shirts into an adoring crowd who clamored for yet-another school advertised item. i watched as the crowds responded to different things like with words taht were foreign to me as a newbie. it took three times of them singing the theme song before i realized that the words were displayed on the tron thingy. and it took another 3 times before i coudl "sort-of" sing along with them. i felt like a silent observer. it was an experience only familiar w/the first day of byu for me. where i felt like an outsider and really had no clue what i was doing.
i realized that there are some things in life that are simply passed on by virtue of genes. that there were children in that crowd taht would grow to be season ticket holders in their own rite. that it got me to thinking abt other "rich man sports"....take rodeo-ing for example. it doesn't matter how much of a dream it might have been, i wasn't likely to grow up to be a rodeo queen. my family never owned horses. and by the time i was able to afford my own, i would have been so far in skill behind the seasoned riders. i've thought that abt nascar. that not every little boy who dreams of speeding down the track in a souped up sports car has the opportunity to do so. and i learned that abt golf. playing 18 holes w/3 people would have cost over 50$, and that was after providing our own clubs, and even our own CART! these are lifestyles that are unfamiliar to many. a real cultural experience.
then i had the thought that i really am grateful to be a member of our church. to be in a place where genes don't matter. not taht our genealogy isn't important. but where we are and will be truly judged on our own choices. there have been descendants of prophets who have lost their way and are unable to lead those around them. there have been converts to the church who have performed miracles in Christ's name. we are all able to rise and shout, when the time comes. :) what a blessing that is.
all of a sudden, the loneliness of not fitting in is moot. and being a newbie or a zoobie is all part of the balance. :)

custody

just a complaining blog.....sorry. i'm going to "dump" this, and be DONE.
this past wkend we reached an "agreement". it was supposed to be a compromise, but i'm not sure where the compromise was. due to the idiotic custody evaluator, we felt like our hands were tied. in a nutshell, she recommended that "ex" get the boys 3 wkends of the month. and 9 wks of the summer. what kind of an asenine recommendation is that?? i have been a stay-at-home, FULL time mom for 19+ years. "ex" has been a selfish part-time father. coming and going as often as the tide ebbs and flows. he traveled more in the past 5 yrs than i have traveled in my entire life, and all at the expense of his time w/the boys. but does that matter? does it matter that "ex" abused my oldest son?? does it matter that he has a history of spousal abuse?? that he was even observed demeaning and belittling me?? that the boys copy his errant behavior?? no. she never interviewed my biggest boy. she never looked up his psych eval. she never even spent enough quality time to observe either of us. she never addressed his absenteeism. and while noting that he is disrespectful to me, she still suggested that we should be able to 'co-parent'. ???? how do you co-parent when there is no respect???
but the story gets dirtier... his attorney is a snake. through and through. a stereotypical lawyerfiend. and as stereotypes are defined, it is by the negative commonalities. so it is w/his atty. he fits every possible negative generality that applied. but to be specific, i'll use two examples: 1- in the original hearing, when i tried to get them to agree to meet at a halfway point, he suggested that i not complain, since "the law" states that i should be driving 3/4. so i acquiesced to driving 2/3. when i later looked up the law, in fact it sd that "ex" should be responsible for all costs for weekend travels. i couldn't believe it!!  2- i am convinced, though i know i can't prove it, that they had a listening device in the room in which we met. as the mediator came in to discuss things with us, they would go out and discuss things. that left us alone to talk privately. however, more than coincidentally, the mediator would return with a "stipulation" that addressed our private conversation. with God as my witness, if there was monkey business going on, it WILL be revealed. if i thought there was a chance i could prove it in court, i would be all over it. at LEAST for the cost of the attorneys and mediators. i believe they were/are all crooked. too much cronyism to be believably virtuous.
there were ridiculous requests for penalizing me if i'm late. when we are in rush hour traffic on a friday night, it is nearly EXPECTED that we will be late.

enough said. i'm disappointed with the outcome. i think it will cause the boys to suffer more than anyone can now see. i will try to be the stable and consistent mom i've been, and hope that in spite of the circumstances, they will rise above.

and more importantly, i am learning to take the high road. sometimes that's all we can do....

my hilarious husband

this past wkend eric and i drove up to logan for some legal issues. after the nearly-4-hr drive, we decided to swing in and meet my sister's new fiance. eric sd he had to pee. i told him to stop if he needed to, but he insisted he'd be okay. i told him he could just go at lynnette's house. he sd he didn't want to and could wait until we got "home" since we were just planning a short visit. so we're turning the corner and a few houses away when eric pulls over and says he can't wait another minute. he jumps out and goes to the back of the car and starts peeing in the dark onto the grassy field opposite her block. i glanced in my rearview mirror and could see his pee illuminated by the red parking lights. hahahaha...it was so funny! but it gets better... :) so i leaned my head out the window and say, "eric, i can see your pee!"...and as i looked back towards her house in the pitch dark, i could see 3 heads on the porch!! ! "HAHAHAHAH....ERIC!!! they are on their porch!!!!!!!!!!!" hahahah... but eric was more concerned w/a car that was turning the corner and heading right towards him w/the headlights spotlighting him. and at this point, he had gotten a good flow of pee coming out. y'know when you have to REALLY pee?? i mean, REAAAALLLY pee?? it's so dang hard to stop it!!! so eric says, "OPEN THE TRUNK!!! i'll pretend to be looking for something back there". so i pop open the trunk. poor eric, peeing all over the backside of the car. hahahah... after the car passed he zipped up and jumped in the car...."what do i tell them?" i was laughing so hard i couldn't even think straight. :) "SERIOUSLY SOO, WHAT DO I SAY??" i sd, "let's just tell them the truth".  if looks could kill.  k. i kept my mouth shut. anyway, as we drove closer i realized i was looking at the wrong house!! and as we were within clear view, i recognized that the "heads" i saw were actually jack-o-lanterns!! haahh... one more house. and as we drove the next distance, i saw lynnette and her fiance walking up the steps to the front door. hahahaha...potentially they could have seen the whole show. but probably in their lovestruck mood they didn't even notice.
oh well. some things, you just have to be there.... :)

bedtimes...

so the other night we had to go away for a little bit and would be trusting the "babysitter" to put the boys to bed. sammy asked if he could stay up past his bedtime and i sd no. he begged , "PLEEEEEASE???"...i sd, "no. 8:30". he sd, "8:31???" through his cheeky grin. how could i resist?! "fine, 8:31". his smile was priceless.

1/2 hr later i was trying to motivate him to do his chores right away. i sd, "sammy, if you finish your chores before anyone else, i'll let you stay up until 8:32". you could see the skid marks from the vacuum as he rounded the corner.

simple logic. :)

odors

i am convinced that there is no worse smell on the planet than that of a silent doggy fart. i don't care what skunk has rolled in what....it just can't compete. i decided that while i was trying to eat my dinner tonight. leftover homemade enchilladas. i was sucking on a bite to really savor the melted cheese and spice mix when lo-and-behold my nose hairs started to curl. sure enough, at the foot of my chair was one sweet little dog (whose breed won't be mentioned to protect his identity) with big dark eyes begging for a bite. if i were pregnant, i would have given it to him. involuntarily, and already chewed. but since i'm premenopausal and unlikely to have any more fertile eggs left to spawn, i gagged my food down and shewed him away. but it leads me to this thought:
is there really ANYTHING more vomit-inducing than a dog fart?

staying at home

i'm a stay-at-home mom. finally. i am 45 yrs old, and have FINALLY realized the dream i've had since i was born. i'm sure of it. i never saw myself doing anything BUT taking care of a husband and kids. even when i WAS a kid. i just didn't know it then. but i DID know i loved the smell of homemade bread. and that i prefer a clean house over an unkempt one.

however, i am on the verge of tears. why is that?? another hour and a half shredding zucchini, mixing up zucchini bread, --- i even used whole wheat flour, for pete's sake--- and the stinkin' stuff burned. not bcs i forgot abt it. not bcs i even let it overcook, but bcs the gas oven HATES me. i realize that makes me sound extremely paranoid, but at that risk, i say it. loud and clear. it HATES me. i cannot for the life of me get the oven to bake at a temperature that can turn out a yummy loaf of bread. or even an entire pan of cookies golden like they're supposed to be. and to make matters worse, my intentions were good. i had "intended" to take these four small loaves to my new "friends". yes, i'm trying really hard to reach out in this neighborhood. to make friends and feel like i actually belong.

so, here i sit. the smell of burnt bread still permeating the otherwise-as-clean-as-it-can-be house. :( holding back tears....

photo proof

so i went to the school w/plans of taking some photos of the little girl kindergarteners laden in sparkles. i even brought my telephoto lens. but something abt hiding in the bushes to avoid being seen struck me as slightly perverted. and if i had openly taken pictures of these cute little kids, i might have appeared to be...um...slightly perverted.

i guess i'll have to wait until some legitimate school event before i whip out my camera again....

little lectures

so we're riding our bikes home from kindergarten, and living in a small town, we are all over the roads. so taylor's used to my instructions..."move left"..."stop at the next corner"...etc. today i called out, "wait till this truck passes"... he looked ahead and sd, "mom, that's not a truck. ...actually it's a van...not a truck..." then after it passed i could hear him still going on..."actually it wasn't a van. and it wasn't a truck either. it was just a car. mom, that was just a car. you can't say wait for the truck when it's not a truck. it's just a car". for pete's sake...w/sweat pouring down  my backside, and beading on my face i wanted to scream "I HEARD YOU ALREADY!!! QUIT THE LECTURE!!" when an old song came to mind.... i could faintly hear the words as i started humming to "cats in the cradle"... he's grown up just like me..yea, my boy, is just like me.... :)

sparkles...glitter....pizzazz...

maybe it's bcs i grew up a bit of a tomboy. maybe it's bcs i'm the mom of 6 boys. maybe it's bcs i am jealous. i don't know, but i cannot seem to understand the latest fashion love affair with glitter. i see sparkles EVERYWHERE. little girls have them in their hair, on their backpacks, hairbands, shoes, shirts.... adult women have them on painted in letters on their derriere on sweatpants (and since when did THAT become a fad?!?) , and in their makeup.... teenagers have them on their lips and bras that peek out of too-low v-neck t-shirts. i just don't quite get it?!?! is it a princess thing??

i'm not kidding. this morning as i was riding my bike w/taylor to kindergarten, i saw a little girl dropped off . she had the prettiest light blue backpack, but it was shining so brightly of glitter, i nearly careened into a truck as i was blinded on my bike. don't get me wrong, moms can do what they want in the name of fashion. just be aware that at SOME point, fashion borders on hazard.

american pride

this morning i took taylor to the groundbreaking of the local museum. i think it's called the great basin museum. we rode our bikes there, and it was quite fun.  the usual dignitaries and speeches. in the hot sun, taylor kept saying "can we go now?" ....i gave him $1 to put in the donation jar bcs they are still collecting money for the museum. so he went to put it inthe jar, and a lady stopped him and sd, "this is for teh adults. kids go over there". so we walked over to the kids' jar just as a guy sd, "great, let's get a picture". do you think i could get taylor to put anything in the jar?? do you think i could get taylor to come out from behind my shadow?? do you think anyone saw his face the rest of the time we were there? you are right. HECK NO. :( 

anyway, sammy's whole school was there and sang "proud to be an american" by one of my heroes whose name has escaped me. :) it was one of those heart stopping moments. course this is what most of us heard...... from the lakes of shshakrkhag  mm mm hills of tatatat...blblabla.....georgia....from sea to something sea....from baldktjwel bla bkajlwjelabk....I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN...WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE AND I WON'T FORGET THE MEN WHO DIED AND GAVE THAT RIGHT TO ME AND I'LL GLADLY STAND UP....blablabla...

but o, how sweet it was. :) sammy was smiling and waving. i was standing there grateful for big dark glasses to cover my teary eyes. yea...it's all hormones. :)

school started

taylor was cranky when i told him we were going to school. he started to get that nervous disobedient thingy going on and i reminded him how well he did on his homework and how fun it was. anyway, he was fine. we drove there w/him talking all the way. he even talked as we went into the classroom. then the teacher tried to talk to him, and he IMMEDIATELY froze up. got scared. started crying. climbed under the table and refuseed to cooperate. i was seeing yesterday's doc appt all over again, and i started getting mad. i was impatient and mean. and i knwo i was. he persisted. i even left the room. she tried in vain to get him off hte floor and to take the tests (which, incidentally, i dont think I ever had to do in KINDERGARTEN, for pete's sake...man kids are supposed to know EVERYTHING by the time they go to kindygarten! ). finally she came out and sd, "we'll go see the principal and see what he wants to do". how humiliating. i walked w/my 5 yr old past all hte other mothers waiting in the hallway w/their kids taking tests. my tail was tight between my legs and my eyes were welling up. i had to look down at my feet as i was marched to the principal's office. another failure point for mom. :(   and lo and behold? who is our principal?? none other than our STAKE PRESIDENT!!!OH THE SHAME!!!  so the teacher went in and talked to him first. then they called us to go in. i could have gone back 40 yrs and not felt any worse...sitting in that little chair looking up at the all-powerful principal. arrgh. so i went into defense mode. i told him all abt taylor's insecurities and fears and how he combats them and how i'm worried that taylor will be clinging like ivy,etc.etc. and what are we going to do if taylor doesn't cooperate?? etc.etc.etc. had to answer a bunch of questions and then we were excused. they were very nice. turns out taylor doesn't even START school until thursday. so they're going to arrange for us to start on friday instead.  anyway, long story short.... i don't knwo when he starts, or if he's afternoon or morning or anything else. they will call tomorrow and let me know.    sooooo...we were walking out and taylor turns all chipper again. "look mom! a coyote!". i was ready to pull his hair out, when i decided to use that to my advantage..."taylor, can you write your name on THIS paper?" and sure enough...perfect letters. just then the teacher came out and saw that. she sd, 'can you come to my classroom and do it?" and guess what?! he DID!! we went BACK to her classroom and he went through the entire test. he was shy and distracted most of thet ime, but he did it. he sd, "i dont' know" whenever he had to think for more than a second, so he didn't come across as knowing nearly as much as he actually does, but i coudl care lss!! i was soooo pleased that he cooperated. !!! YAY!!!! i wanted to kiss him and hug him and carry him out like a baby. but instead, i let him slap me five and we walked out....the little man and his happe momma. :) 

identity theft

hahah..i think i got the last word... :)  today i got a chat msg from a cousin on fb. we haven't been particularly close, in fact, i haven't seen her in YEARS...but "she" got on live and started telling me how grateful she was that i responded. i had an inkling it wasn't her when she sd, "thank G_d you answered". afterall, she is religious and i don't think would take the Lord's name in vain. anyway...she proceeded to say that they were in the UK for vacation but had been mugged last night. her hubby was hurt (they sd her hubby's name) and all of their cash and credit cards had been stolen. would i PLEASE send 1500$ to her as soon as possible?!  i sd, "oh lisa!! i am so horribly sad for you!! please, take whatever you need....remember our barclay account?? well, it probably has around 12k in it and i trust you w/whatever you need. esp to take care of jordan". hahahah...idiots.

delta, utah

thought i'd give a little info abt my current hometown. but to really appreciate it, i have to backtrack....
born and raised in maplewood, new jersey i was exposed to all kinds of people from an early age. i really believe that nj is the melting pot of the melting pot, so friends and family were from different cultures, religions, etc. i "transitioned" to where i am now...if i had gone from jersey to delta i'd have hopped out. but like cooking a frog, things have to move gradually... on to byu in provo in 1985, then a jaunt to ricks college in rexburg, idaho, waynesboro, virginia, then folsom, california, colorado springs, colorado, soldotna, alaska, and down to logan utah. each of these places were home and wonderfully accepting and enlightening. most recently was north logan. i lived in the ideal location....(in fact, the home is still available for any potential buyers! :) )...walking distance to library, post office, grocery store, church, schools, bus stop, grandparents, etc. i loved, loved, LOVED the mobility we all had living in that house. and i was ACTIVE... active in the PTO, CERT organization, teaching at Red Cross, a webelos leader in the boy scouting program, involved in my church with various callings, even had a dating club for 16 yr olds and up.... but still, i could go to the walmart just a few blocks away and not see a dang person that i knew!! :(    enter eric:  every trip to delta we would go "somewhere"....quality grocery store, bank, SOMEWHERE...and allllways SOMEone would call out "ERIC!! HOW ARE YOU?"  ???? REALLY???? i knew i wanted to live here. everyone recognizing you and welcoming you and TALKING to you. contrast w/jersey...if you were walking down the street and came across someone walking towards you, you crossed paths looking at your feet. unless you were in a swimming suit and it was a perverted foreigner, then YOU looked at your feet and he catcalled and looked wherever perverts eyeballs don't belong...but i digress... :(     delta is a small town w/the benefits of friendliness only discovered in the crevices of american small towns. :)

however, along w/the friendliness, i would be remiss to leave out the fact that gossip spreads faster in smaller towns. and when the measles hit our family, imagine my surprise when i called the hospital and sd, "my husband has the measles.." and was interrupted w/ "ERIC?" i nearly swallowed my tongue! "HOW DID YOU KNOW?"  her curt response: "EVERYONE IN THE COUNTY KNOWS". wow. welcome to delta.

but it's good. it's very good. i thought when i moved here that i would never be able to go to the grocery store w/out putting on makeup, but i don't think that's the case anymore. since it tends to be windy and the air is so dirty (we live in the desert, mind you...not a lot of greenery to filter the sand and dirt), my hair is bushy and cotton candy-ish and covers my face most of the time. i probably look like a neanderthal as i bike ride around the community. no rumors have come back to me, so i'll keep on  keepin' on.... :)

life... mmmmm....

i haven't posted for a while, and went to "review" what i'd last wrote, only to discover NO POSTS. so, since i'm new to blogging, if i'm reiterating things i've already sd, forgive me and forge ahead...

a quick update:
eric and i were married on june 3rd in the logan temple. i should say that we were "SEALED", since that word means so much more than just being married. he IS my eternal companion, and i'm sooooooooooooo grateful. :) but as all good things are challenged by the adversary, our union was not w/out it's big downers.... we were married in the middle of our family's measles epidemic.  yes! hard to believe in the 21st century when diseases like measles are nearly extinct, but we did catch it, suffer and survive. i'll provide a few more details since that seems to be something that most people (newsmen included) have been interested in....

since nick is opposed to vaccinations, and he has the final medical say, the boys were unprotected. (alex, sammy and taylor). sammy was the first to "catch" it, and the first symptoms (exhaustion, body aches, followed by fever---basically flu-like symptoms) appeared on thursday night. he went to bed early, woke up fine, so he set off for school. when i saw him at the end-of-school-year musical performance, he was sitting down bcs "he didn't feel well". ..and as luck would have it, nick had the boys that wkend. i'm not sure what they did, but when sammy came back sunday night he went to bed w/out a fuss, proving he was still suffering from "something". on monday i brought alex to school and sammy and tay to nick's (as was the usual routine when nick was in town). later that day i rec'd an email from nick telling me that sammy had the chicken pox. when he came home that night, i saw that the spots were not blistery and bubbly like the pox, nor were they itching. i looked online and found a comparable photo describing MEASLES!! so that was the first. i called the health dept after learning that it is highly contagious and no doctor in town wants it in their waiting room. they sent a nurse over who "suspected", but couldn't confirm or deny. they also put our family on "voluntary quarantine".  no end of year parties for alex. it was really hard for him, bcs he had a concert and a pool party and he didn't feel sick at all. :(  then family started to show up for our wedding. rachel and carl were the first to come. they stayed at our house. it was really fun until the blood results came back positive for measles and the health dept suggested they leave our house. even though they had all been vaccinated. "just to be safe". :( incidentally, by the time they had positively diagnosed it, sammy was out of the contagious period. he had been miserable. pretty much laying in bed w/no energy and just drinking a lot of water. he ended up in the hospital when nick thought it wasn't the measles, but an allergic reaction instead. they iv'd him, and that helped perk him up a bit. poor boy. :(  abt two days before the wedding (if my memory serves me correctly) alex came down w/the spots. he was as miserable and sammy had been. however at this point, sammy was better and able to hang out w/cousins (bendy's kids had arrived, and so had dathy's). taylor was still voluntarily quarantined, and wisely so, for his spots appeared on thursday night. the eve of our wedding. after our ceremony we had a small reception at mom and dad's. both eric and i went back and forth between houses checking on the two sickies :(. they were pretty miserable, including diarrhea and vomiting. by saturday night i was feeling a little "under the weather". i figured it was exhaustion from the move, marriage, tending to sick kids, entertaining out of state family, etc. so i went to church on sunday. came home and discovered a fever and a couple of pimply looking spots. sure enough, i woke up the monday after our wedding, right in the middle of our "honeymoon" to the measles. my case was much less severe, mainly centering around my face and mouth, but it was emotionally devastating as i was sequestered from family for the remainder of their time there. it also delayed our move to delta by two days. but finally, on june 10th, eric's b'day and one week after our marriage, we loaded up the uhaul and headed south. :) finally past the "hump", we were prepared to start our life together. little did we know that eric would come down w/flu-like symptoms by tuesday afternoon. his spots didn't appear until thursday, but he had all of the symptoms so we treated him as if he were diagnosed w/the measles. unfortunately it was too late. the power plant where he works was notified, and they went overboard. they sent home everyone who didn't have evidence of a booster shot. they required them to either GET boosters (which eric had done, incidentally) or not return until the contagion period had ended. the whole episode hit the news. reports of a "delta man who returned home from a honeymoon overseas" flooded the tv and newspapers. what a warm welcome to delta. poor eric was so miserable. between chills and sweats and diarrhea and dry heaving, he became severely dehydrated. i had given him every medicine known to man in an attempt to alleviate some of his suffering, but it was all to no avail. :(  finally it culminated on him receiving two iv's IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE HOSPITAL (bcs they wouldn't allow him in for fear of contaminating the place) to finally turn things around. but things didn't get better right away.... he was inflicted w/a horrible tooth infection that caused his jaw and side of his face to swell up and gave him horrific pain. it was the hardest thing i had to go through----watching him suffer and unable to help him. i dont' want to make light of anything, but i got a "taste" of what our father in heaven must have felt when HIS Son suffered and He was unable to help. it's the most heart-wrenching feeling. truly.

time has passed. it is now the 18th of july. our trials have moved from measles to custody battle with nick over whether he will allow the boys to move to delta. (he originally sd it was fine as long as his child support was reduced, but changed that a little more than a month before our wedding)

life has never been sweeter. and life has never been more tragic. we are prayerful that the boys will be able to permanently join our household, but in the meantime we are on a summer schedule which allows nick to have the boys in alaska for the next 3 wks. i have learned that moms are not supposed to be without their kids. it's just not natural. it's like tying your ankles together and having to hop. just not as much fun. :(

and now that i've brought you up-to-date, i'll close for now and continue later... :) life..., huh?