nagging mom

i had an epiphany this morning.

every now and then i have a thought that just hits me in my heart, and this is one of them. i realize that after you read this post, most of you will say "DUH. you didn't know that????" ....and my answer is, "yes, i KNEW that, but i didn't REALIZE how serious it is". so here goes...

i'm a nag. confession time. it's the truth. i'm a one-eyebrow raised, bordering on a scowl, over-and-over again NAG. and i don't like how i am. bcs of this, my kids don't like how i am either. and bcs of how they react to me, i don't like them very much a lot of the time. don't get me wrong, we all know the adage that we can love someone to the core, but not like them very much. well, that's me. so here's what i realized today...

why do i nag?? bcs i need help. i'm overworked and exhausted. no, i don't work outside the home. i'm not an author or a mary kay specialist. i'm not a model on the side (no surprises there) and i dont' teach gospel doctrine. but i do laundry every monday from abt 645 in the morning until usually around 6p at night. i cook dinner every day. sometimes it's leftovers, but hey! i still have to pull them out and heat them up and wash the dishes and clean the counter. but OFTEN i'll start dinner in the morning when i take the meat out to defrost. :) i make desserts often. i love sugar. and i think it's good in moderations. :) plus, homemade chocolate cake is a lot better than a store bought twinkie. i work in the yard; weeding, planting, trimming, but mostly weeding.  i clean the house. wiping down doors, counters, etc. sweeping the floors. constantly. on a very very good day, i'll even mop the floors on my  hands and knees. and i visit people. neighbors, friends, inactives, people. i break up fights. not between the people i visit, that's just w/my own kids. sometimes that requires lengthy discussions w/the boys that can often linger into the next activity. i help w/homework. i'm just tired. so i occasionally will ask the boys for help. "alex, will you empty the dishwasher please?" ...."andrew, will you take the garbage to the dump?" ...."brandon, will you take out the garbage?" on top of that, i really do think that ALL of my kids, from 8-22 are capable of making their beds and cleaning up after themselves.

this is where the problem lies...  my kids will say "okay...." and then proceed to give me a "gotta-do-this-first" list. and i haven't pushed the issue. so for a number of years, i've had kids basically negotiate what they think is important to them on their time frame. which usually leads to someone forgetting. which leads me to reminding them (first nag), which leads to them getting annoyed, which leads to them subconsciously rebelling and NOT doing it, which leads to me MORE nagging. which leads to tears, frustration and fighting.

i'm not exaggerating when i say this. just yesterday i had to tell one of my boys to bring up his laundry so i could start a load THREE times. first he decided to pack, then he had to put in his contacts. it was easily a half hour before he brought it up. that meant i didn't have time to get a load started before i had to bike another one to school.

soooooooooooooo...i'm hoping eric gets on board w/me. i'm going to propose that we have a "do it NOW" policy. that when i (or he) tell(s) them to do something, they DO IT NOW. no negotiating. no tv show, no conversation, NOTHING is more important than just being obedient. then i dn't have to worry abt them forgetting and not doing it.

:) i'm sooo excited to try this new thing. incidentally, i never realized this was such a problem before now. in the past, and i know in my "darker" past, my kids jumped when i asked for help. i think part of my recovery was learning to lighten up. yet, i didn't. i just internalized the anxiety. now i'm hoping for a release....

:)