custody

just a complaining blog.....sorry. i'm going to "dump" this, and be DONE.
this past wkend we reached an "agreement". it was supposed to be a compromise, but i'm not sure where the compromise was. due to the idiotic custody evaluator, we felt like our hands were tied. in a nutshell, she recommended that "ex" get the boys 3 wkends of the month. and 9 wks of the summer. what kind of an asenine recommendation is that?? i have been a stay-at-home, FULL time mom for 19+ years. "ex" has been a selfish part-time father. coming and going as often as the tide ebbs and flows. he traveled more in the past 5 yrs than i have traveled in my entire life, and all at the expense of his time w/the boys. but does that matter? does it matter that "ex" abused my oldest son?? does it matter that he has a history of spousal abuse?? that he was even observed demeaning and belittling me?? that the boys copy his errant behavior?? no. she never interviewed my biggest boy. she never looked up his psych eval. she never even spent enough quality time to observe either of us. she never addressed his absenteeism. and while noting that he is disrespectful to me, she still suggested that we should be able to 'co-parent'. ???? how do you co-parent when there is no respect???
but the story gets dirtier... his attorney is a snake. through and through. a stereotypical lawyerfiend. and as stereotypes are defined, it is by the negative commonalities. so it is w/his atty. he fits every possible negative generality that applied. but to be specific, i'll use two examples: 1- in the original hearing, when i tried to get them to agree to meet at a halfway point, he suggested that i not complain, since "the law" states that i should be driving 3/4. so i acquiesced to driving 2/3. when i later looked up the law, in fact it sd that "ex" should be responsible for all costs for weekend travels. i couldn't believe it!!  2- i am convinced, though i know i can't prove it, that they had a listening device in the room in which we met. as the mediator came in to discuss things with us, they would go out and discuss things. that left us alone to talk privately. however, more than coincidentally, the mediator would return with a "stipulation" that addressed our private conversation. with God as my witness, if there was monkey business going on, it WILL be revealed. if i thought there was a chance i could prove it in court, i would be all over it. at LEAST for the cost of the attorneys and mediators. i believe they were/are all crooked. too much cronyism to be believably virtuous.
there were ridiculous requests for penalizing me if i'm late. when we are in rush hour traffic on a friday night, it is nearly EXPECTED that we will be late.

enough said. i'm disappointed with the outcome. i think it will cause the boys to suffer more than anyone can now see. i will try to be the stable and consistent mom i've been, and hope that in spite of the circumstances, they will rise above.

and more importantly, i am learning to take the high road. sometimes that's all we can do....